Corner the Coffee
I’m sitting in one of my favorite places. The Mean Bean Caffeine Lounge on the corner of the busiest intersection in Delaware. From where I sit I can watch as people stroll by. From where I sit I observe cars turning left and turning right and driving straight through the lights.
Sitting here I can taste the aroma of coffee in the air. This aroma sticks to my clothing, only to remind me of my day when I remove them later tonight before bed. It’s a reminder of life. It’s a reminder of gift I have of living. I’ve had little interpersonal contact today. This is unique for me, but it’s a much needed escape. I sat in a little sandwich and coffe spot earlier for a few hours. And I have been here at the Bean for the last few as well.
Me, coffee, Macbook, Bible, thoughts and Sigur Ros palying through my headphones. It’s a refreshing day as I ponder the pace and movement of my life. It’s rigorous at times. However, I’m one of those men who manages to keep a pretty calm pace of life. Sometimes I wonder about the things that really stress us out. I wonder why we get so stressed out. I wonder why we manage church like a business. Why we’ve implimented Fortune 500 business strategies to win souls. Seems too man-controlled and manipulative. I don’t have faith in it like I have faith in God.
I wonder how our dwelling upon past experiences and future ambitions influences the day of today. How it causes us to miss the very thing we are to gain in the present. What if we focus too much on what’s to come?
What if I put all my eggs in one basket to try and grow my youth group God’s given me? Or what if I set out a course for what the next 5 years will look like for the youth group? Then after that, what graduate work I will do and how I will position myself to get into what I think I should be doing? And then what my life will look like in 15 years? And then perhaps God has made me pyschic and life is easy, I just have to work hard to achieve. These thoughts make my blood pressure raise. I’m not sure if I can really control my destiny, or if I even want to control it for that matter.
I think to attempt to control our destiny might leave little room for God to be… Himself.
Maybe we lean on control to try to understand the scary parts of God that leave us uneasy. Didn’t Jesus say that we should not worry about tommorow? Sure that doesn’t mean it’s bad to expect to do some things tommorow. However, this truth is so revolutionary to me.
Today I haven’t really thought much about church or my job or my students or what I have to do the rest of this week. There’s stuff there. But I can think about it tommorow. Is messing with it right now going to make me any more effective when I deal with it? Nope.
I like being at ease in my Spirit. I don’t want to miss life as it passes me by because I was planning too much or getting stressed out or convinvcing myself of how right I am.
I want to be able to breathe. I’m obedient to God when I have days like today where I don’t let my mind veg… but I go somewhere. Read some things. Write some things. Think about some things. I did “devo’s” today. I read half of chapter 18 in Genesis. Then verse 15 engaged my mind so I began to write 4 pages of it’s implications in life today.
It was beautiful and freeing. I’ve met God today. We’ve just been hanging around. Relaxing. Not getting too far ahead of ourselves. Just breathing. Maybe we confuse the pace of God with the pace of our surrounding, self-righteous beliefs.
Tonight before bed I’ll say thanks to God for the aroma of coffee on my clothing that reminds me of today.
~RGE~
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